Well...it’s a snowy Tues morning having some trouble getting going today. This time of year always plays tricks on my moods...and it has little to do with the upcoming holidays. December is an odd month for me. It’s my bday month, my son’s bday month, the end of the year, etc. It has always been a time of endings and new beginnings. A time of reflection and assessment. I am a year older – did I accomplish what I wanted? Did I get to where I was going? Where did I get derailed along the way?
And this year’s birthday will mark another year of transition. So much change is anticipated for this year. Perhaps a new job? Perhaps a new book? Hopefully many new contracts. My house will go on the market. I will be moving and creating a new home for my son and I. There will be new adventures, new friendships and new journeys. Sometimes I get excited by the prospect of it all. And sometimes it scares, as my son would say, the tuna salad outta me.
And despite my soon to be 41 years of wisdom, it is my sweet 5-year old son that is sometimes the wiser of the two of us. Just last week we were driving across the Bloor Viaduct, along the Danforth. It was a cold, wet, snowy, rainy, miserable day. There was bad news story after bad news story on the radio. I was growing anxious and a little frantic, trying to get somewhere for an appointment. The traffic was bad and I was starting to think that taking him on my errands, though it sounded like a fun adventure, might have been a mistake.
Then it happened. From the back seat of the car, I hear “Mommy, it’s so beautiful”. I looked outside. All I saw was grey and cold and damp and traffic. I craned my neck to see what he was looking at over the bridge. I didn’t see anything beautiful. So I asked him what he saw that was so beautiful. He looked at me with the sweetest expression and said – “The world mommy. The world is so beautiful.” And it was. In that moment there was no where he’d rather be than in that car with me – so the world was beautiful. My mood flipped in a second. Despite all the madness and uncertainty in my life and in the world, I saw the beautiful world that he saw, because in that one moment there was no place I would rather be either.
My 5-year old boy taught me such an important lesson. He showed me how to find beauty despite the greyness that might face my day. The upcoming year might bring many grey days for me - I am going to have to dig deep sometimes to see the beauty past the grey. But I know his willingess to see it will be a constant reminder to me that it is there.